Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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