went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
