dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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