Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
