I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Randomize
