Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
