Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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