i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
