false alarm. still invincible.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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