It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
