my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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