I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Randomize
