And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
