Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
