well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
