Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
