my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
