apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
