A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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