I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
