i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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