I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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