when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Drake has all the answers
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
