just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
