Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
