You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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