After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I have already put on my inside pants.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Drunk is a universal language darling
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
