im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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