so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
