I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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