Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Everyone says I win the strip club
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Randomize
