Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
