He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Boobs are out for the taking
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
