I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
