i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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