Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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