tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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