I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
