Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
