I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
