Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
