I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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