she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
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