Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
