You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
We're using joints as your birthday candles
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
