Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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