So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
