WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
