I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
