Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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