I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
