We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
there was a trapeze. enough said
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
