Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Just pee around me
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
