If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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